{"id":218,"date":"2013-07-29T19:23:41","date_gmt":"2013-07-29T19:23:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.decarl.com\/?p=218"},"modified":"2014-05-06T16:50:12","modified_gmt":"2014-05-06T16:50:12","slug":"embarrassing-medical-exams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/?p=218","title":{"rendered":"EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
A man comes into the ER and yells . . .”My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.”<\/p>\n

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.<\/p>\n

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – – – And I was in the wrong one.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.’Big breaths,’ . . . I instructed.<\/p>\n

‘Yes, they used to be,’ . . . Replied the patient.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news\u00a0when I told a wife that her husband had died\u00a0of a massive myocardial infarct.Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
During a patient’s two week follow-up\u00a0appointment with his cardiologist, he informed\u00a0me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with\u00a0one of his medications.’Which one?’ . . . I asked. ‘The patch…<\/p>\n

The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours\u00a0and now I’m running out of places to put it!’<\/p>\n

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see.<\/p>\n

Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!<\/p>\n

Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch\u00a0before applying a new one.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,\u00a0I asked, ‘How long have you been bedridden?’After a look of complete confusion she answered . . .<\/p>\n

‘Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive.’<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning\u00a0and while checking up on a man I asked . . .\u00a0“So how’s your breakfast this morning?””It’s very good except for the Kentucky Jelly.<\/p>\n

I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” Bob replied.<\/p>\n

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced\u00a0a foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room\u00a0when a young woman with purple hair styled\u00a0into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety\u00a0of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing,\u00a0entered.It was quickly determined that\u00a0the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was\u00a0scheduled for immediate surgery.<\/p>\n

When she was completely disrobed on the operating\u00a0table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had\u00a0been dyed green and above it there was a\u00a0tattoo that read . . . ‘Keep off the grass.’<\/p>\n

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon\u00a0wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing,\u00a0which said ‘Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.’<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB,\u00a0I was quite embarrassed when performing female\u00a0pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment\u00a0I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam\u00a0suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.<\/p>\n

I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .\u00a0‘I’m sorry. Was I tickling you?’
\nShe replied with tears running down\u00a0her cheeks from laughing so hard. . .<\/p>\n

‘No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .\u00a0‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.’<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room,\u00a0waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,\u00a0checked his weight, and being a little concerned,\u00a0asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.<\/p>\n

“Breast-fed.” she replied.<\/p>\n

“Well, strip down to your waist!” the doctor ordered.<\/p>\n

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.<\/p>\n

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, “No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.” “I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.”<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A man comes into the ER and yells . . .”My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear. … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-jokes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=218"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":245,"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/218\/revisions\/245"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.decarl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}